Earlier this year I discovered the body positivity movement, and I think it's fair to say that it changed my life. Whilst I have never been overweight by more than half a stone, give or take, I went on my first diet at the age of eleven to fit in with my friends at school, whose packed lunches were made with Weight Watchers bread and who went to an aerobics class in the evenings to lose weight.
I found the world of diets and calorie counting to be grown up and glamorous. I made a scrapbook full of skinny models and diet tips from teen magazines, and bought exercise videos from charity shops. I don't remember losing any significant amounts of weight until my mid-teens, at which point I ended up visiting - and being talked down to by - a fairly unpleasant eating disorders specialist at the local mental health unit, (I found her so patronising that I never went back), but I spent most of my teenage years preoccupied wth weight, exercise and beauty.
This year, after the usual rounds of obsessive dieting and frantic gorging, I resolved that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. I don't want to have my entire life revolving around the scales, and I don't want to spend my entire existence hating myself and my body.
The times I remembered being the happiest weren't when I had spent hours doing my make-up or when I reached an even lower weight but when I let myself go and had fun with my friends, got so wrapped up in having a good time that I forgot what I looked like and forgot that I was supposed to be perfect, supposed to be always striving for beauty and thinness.
I began to wonder if being 'pretty' was worth being hungry, being grouchy from hunger and low self-esteem, being unable to relax or indulge and listening constantly to my own judgemental inner critic, the little voice that, unless action is taken to stop it, runs a constant, carping commentary on one's own appearance and that of every passing person unfortunate enough to fall under its gaze.
Stumbling across body positivity on the internet and starting to learn about it helped me begin to try to embrace myself, every day, no matter what, and has marked the start of a new chapter for me. I have started to listen to my body instead of suppressing or ignoring hunger pangs. I don't beat myself up for not being 'strong' enough to work out for hours on an empty stomach. I have stopped categorising foods as 'good' or 'bad' and I don't forbid myself anything that I really want to eat.
In fact, now that I can see how miserable my attitude towards my body - encouraged, let's not forget, by multi-million pound beauty, diet and advertising industries - was making me and how much better I feel from day to day just by being kinder towards myself, I often wish I could give my wonderful, successful, clever, talented friends a shake when they chastise themselves for wanting dessert or tell me for the umpteenth time that they are too fat or ugly. It's become 'normal' to hate yourself, and I hate to see my amazing friends sucked into that.
I still have bad days - an off-the-cuff remark at the pub can still see me sobbing over Next Top Model and binge-eating stollen, and sometimes I am fragile because it was easier to bury negative feelings or discomfort under calorie-counting and meal-planning than it is to confront them - but on good days I have more energy, am more relaxed and more inclined to get out of the house and have a good time.
I have learned that I'm not perfect, but that's OK. One day at a time I am learning how to love myself and my body, and if I can, you can too. <3
(Inspiring websites: Stop Hating Your Body, Operation Beautiful. For help and support with eating disorders: b-eat.)
Keep smiling =)
ReplyDeleteand thank you for sharing your experiences.
Thanks YOU :-)
DeleteI'm sort of torn about this. While no one should feel ostracized and wrong, being overweight or obese is a serious condition that has impact on overall health and impairs various activities. It is dangerous, just like eating disorders are. There is plenty of space between self-hatred and denial. It's about health, not beauty. Personally, I'm very much concerned for my health and flexibility.
ReplyDeleteOd course, that has nothing to do with You. I'm happy You are loving Yourself. You should.
Body acceptance and positivity and working to improve your health shouldn't need to be exclusive. In fact, I would say that they are two sides of the same coin as surely part of treating yourself with greater care and respect should be taking steps to ensure your future health. :-)
DeleteThank you very much <3
To a certain extent we are too sensitive to fat. I mean, if it impacts your health then it is a problem but having a bit of stomach fat isn't going to harm anyone. Besides, someone else's health isn't going to effect me, you, or anyone other than themselves. If they are happy you should just back off. As for people who want to be healthy, dieting isn't the way to go unless you are obese to begin with. Excising regularly and eating a healthy well-balanced diet is the way to go.
DeleteGreat to hear that you're helping your body to be positive. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm still struggling to be positive in my mind all times and I know I'm not perfect myself, yet I'm confused and swayed by others opinions to find who I am truly are. I feel like wearing something that's genuine to my taste, not something thats socially acceptable when I was younger without fear. I also suffered from Acid Reflux ages ago like around in 2011, I may still have it now, but I've taken fibre tablets to relieve my upset bowels most likely cause by increased anxiety and stress due to my Aspergers.
Thank you :-)
Delete*hugs* You may not be 'perfect' but who is? You are much stronger than you may think you are; I wish you all the best.
You're welcome, Amy :)
DeleteThanks for the beautiful and positive compliment and no one is really perfect. Were we brought up to live to others expectations or to follow rules non stop? I don't think so all the time. We have our needs that may be difficult to manage and is crucial to ourselves.
This action and you are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the links. They're one of those things I didn't know I needed until now.
Thank you - and so are you :-)
DeleteMost welcome! I know exactly what you mean.
And right underneath this post, an advert for Maltesers. Beautiful. xD
ReplyDeleteI am a little overweight, but a bit too lazy to go on a "diet" per se - I just make sure that I don't have a cream cake every other day (but they look so appetising in the canteen fridge sdfuhsdhf) and try and walk to the train station instead of taking the bus. I too start to feel bad if I purposely restrict or punish myself.
Really? Hah, that's great! XDD
DeleteLazy? Pah! It has been proven over and over that 'diets' are terribly bad for your physical and emotional health; I think your attitude towards living should be commended!
Thankyou so much for posting the links to those sites. Only yesterday I was complaining I looked fat, saying I'd go on a diet- and half an hour ago, I told my boyfriend I'd start exercising more. I'd even half decided that I wanted to exercise when he goes home to see his family for Christmas so that when he gets back to the flat we're sharing, I'll have lost some weight, and I'll be happy and skinny and pretty. He's never put any pressure on me to think that I NEED to be skinny- I do it to myself, and I have for a very long time. The diets, the promises to exercise more- looking at it now, for me, thinness rather than healthiness is the real goal of it.
ReplyDeleteIt's good to hear that you've developed a better relationship with your body- for me, a good realtionship with my body is a goal that feels so far away and unattainable, but as I said, the site (and your blog post :) ) help a lot in making it seem like I can get there.
You are very welcome! Losing weight won't make you happy, hun - self-love and self-esteem are the way to go. Your boyfriend would probably agree that seeing you happy and healthy is far, far preferable to seeing you skinnier.
DeleteYou really can get there, you know. (And feel free to drop me a line, any time.)
So very true.
ReplyDeleteAmy, I've followed You here from the Stripy Tights blog and I must say it was absolutely worth it.
As usual, You deliver a most keen comment on a touchy matter.
You go girl! I was never into diets myself, but thanks to peer pressure I've spent a good deal of my early twenties worrying about my weight.
I wish I was wiser.
Lots of love,
Nina
Why thank you, my lovely! <3
DeleteYou can be as wise as you choose to be ;-) xxx
Some friends and I were sitting around one day talking about diets, body image, etc., and finally came up with the Pet Rule: If you wouldn't do it to your pet, you shouldn't do it to yourself. It's actually just a balance thing, but somehow gauging it by whether or not it was acceptable treatment for one's cat or dog made it easier to keep things in perspective.
ReplyDeleteIf we found out that somebody was underfeeding her pet, or overfeeding it and not playing with it [exercising it], etc., we would readily agree that the pet needed better care to be healthy. Not to be thin, since underweight animals are not "prettier", but healthy. It's easy to see that it's not good for a pet to be either overweight or underweight, so why do we have such a hard time with this as it applies to our own bodies?
Genius! I love this - I've read about a similar thing called the best friend rule which is basically the same; think what advice you would give your closest friend and then follow it yourself. I love it because quite often we treat ourselves in a way we wouldn't dream of treating the people around us, right down to the names we call ourselves when we step on a scale or look in the mirror. I agree 100% with the Pet Rule. Fab advice!
DeleteThat is an excellent rule! I love it!
DeleteGood for you!
ReplyDeleteThanks :-)
DeleteThank you very much for sharing these thoughts and feelings with us. It's so easy to write about body image as a phenomenon and forget that you're dealing with real people, each of whom has their own set of real feelings. Your posts are always so genuine and from the heart! Thank you again!
ReplyDeleteThank YOU! :-)
DeleteI was considered anorexic at age 10, but to this day I know not why it was so- for I never truly cared about what others thought of me, I never thought being skinny was particularly more beautiful than anything else, and I scarcely even noticed the prevalence of thinness as a virtue to the beauty culture of the modern day. It shall remain an enigma!
ReplyDeleteUpon another subject, fashion can be a wonderful thing and not at all vain, if one so chooses to use it as an art. I wear clothing and makeup I truly love not to impress others but to express myself- I am an artist and my clothing is my painting. If it is done merely to appear a certain way then it is scarcely art, but if it is done for the reason of expression, it is glorious and creative!
Nevertheless, wonderful blog post! Although many speak against such horrid matters as modern beauty "ideals"- and even such "standards" existed all throughout time!- it cannot be spoken of enough, and you did a wonderful job conveying just that sentiment.
Gosh, that's strange... I wonder if you were unusually underweight?
DeleteI agree entirely - I am still trying to discover what I love in terms of clothing and make-up but I love to see others who have used their appearance as an artistic canvas.
Thank you, very much!
I feel like I should say something to a post like this, but don't really not what to write. I guess I worry about my weight too - but in a different way. I'm only six stone four and often think I'm too skinny. And I would be, if I was an average height adult. But for my age and height, I'm actually just about a healthy weight. I do always feel like I should be less skinny, but no matter how much I eat I can't change it. My friends however, do have this slightly. All of my friends who are average weight or a little overweight call themselves fat and I think that's so sad. Strangely, my friends all eat less than I do.
ReplyDeleteIt's often easy for people to jump on the skinny-bashing bandwagon, which is just as unfair on people of smaller build as it is to criticise those who are overweight. I feel for you! A male member of my family is extremely skinny but finds it impossible to put on weight; he's very self-conscious about it and won't go swimming or to the beach. You have just as much right to feel happy with your body as your friends do - don't forget that! <3
DeleteYeah... models/media contribute to anorexia nervosa (or simply put, anorexia) and bulimia (another form of an eating disorder). Obviously, diets (especially the low calorie ones) won't be very good for the body (plus most diets fail in the end...)
ReplyDeleteI might sound like a wiseacre doctor here, but I agree it's pretty difficult to stop wondering why our body shapes aren't "perfect".
Just eat healthy and exercise. Stay as you are because you're awesome! :)
Thank you!
Delete