Things I Love Thursday: Cruelty Free

It's been a little harder to be cheerful this week as I have had a constant dull headache for the last four days. But really, it's been another wonderful week! And with (supposedly) nine days left to live, it would be a shame to take it all for granted.

[Tangent: what are you guys thinking about alleged upcoming end-of-all-things on the 21st of this month? I read a book this week that was lent to me by a friend, called HOPE: Healing Our People and Earth which theorises that rather than the end of days, on the 21st we will begin to experience a 'cosmic shift' towards a collective consciousness and a more peaceful, mindful existence. I think I'd much rather a cosmic shift than explosions, zombies, fire and death, so I'm rooting for that one myself!]

Doomsday aside, this week I'm celebrating:

• A beautiful shopping trip with my bestie at Winchester Christmas Market. We went down in the late afternoon when it was just starting to get dark, so all the chalets and stalls were lit up with little twinkling lights. The market is in the grounds of the cathedral which makes the whole atmosphere absolutely gorgeous. I bought some lovely things, including a fairy figurine from Fairyglass.
• Making my New Year's Resolutions. It's a long list this year (but the first time in a long time that the list hasn't included 'lose some weight') but if anything that makes me feel really good because I actually have goals and things that I want to achieve and do.
• Going cruelty-free. It's such an obvious thing to do that really I'm amazed I'd never thought about it before. I have always bought cosmetics that say 'this product not tested on animals' but I read recently that this is not always reliable (because the product might not have been animal-tested, but the ingredients might have been - very sneaky!). I ordered a free copy of The Little Book of Cruelty Free so that I have an at-a-glance handbook to take with me when shopping.
• Fab support and advice from you guys on my style dilemmas! The wonderful Courtney (a shooting star in the shape of a woman, if I may borrow the phrase) wrote this post about her own similar rut and how she dealt/is dealing with it. (Courtney's post contains boobs and is NSFW.)
• Working through my reading pile. Because of this very annoying headache I had a day off work this week (I am currently functional, but earlier this week that was not the case). I couldn't look at TV or computer screens so I got down to some serious reading and ploughed my way through four and a half books off my unread pile. I saw an article about how many books the average person reads in a lifetime; I'm hoping to outclass the optimum of 22,000. Unfortunately I haven't been keeping count, so one of my Resolutions for 2013 is to keep a book journal.
• I have been spending a lot of time on this Pinterest board, and highly recommend it. It really makes me feel great about myself, and the articles I have read that are linked to from here are equal parts heart-warming and heart-rending. (I actually came across the Stop The Thinspo board when I was searching for pictures of skinnier women to beat myself up with, and it stopped me in my tracks, gave me a hug (metaphorically) and put me on a much better path.)
• Shopping. Or rather, looking at shopping in a new light. I'm not buying things because they're 'Goth' or because they're this or because they're that, but because I need them, or because I really like them and they speak to me on some level. I thought that buying things I like would mean buying more, but actually, when I narrow it down to things that I really, genuinely like (again, not because they're this or that or because I'm hoping they will make me more this or that, e.g. Gothier, sexier, more stylish) I have become very picky and am buying *gasp* hardly anything. Shocker.
• Getting in contact with old friends. I dropped my best friend from school (she moved away, and I left school) a message on Facebook and we are going to start writing proper, old-school snail mail letters to each other. I am usually awful at replying to letters but I'm going to really make an effort from now on!
• My dreads starting to lock up! Today is day 71 and they are getting pretty tight and knotty. (They are also very loopy still but if anything I think that's cute...) I love how they feel, I love how they look when they are freshly washed and I have to say it, I'm proud of myself because I would never have dreamt that I would spend 71 days with terminally messy hair. I'm super-excited about having mature dreads but I am enjoying every part of this process.
• My dad. I have a pretty awesome dad. At times when I was younger we struggled to connect but now we see each other twice a week - on Saturdays for lunch and on Mondays for dinner, followed by a TV schedule including Salvage Hunters and Never Mind the Buzzcocks (gotta love Buzzcocks!), juggling lessons, and general chit-chat. I really love our routines. El Daddio is also considering starting a blog. I am trying to talk him into it.

What have you gorgeous people been up to this week? <3

Body Positivity

Earlier this year I discovered the body positivity movement, and I think it's fair to say that it changed my life. Whilst I have never been overweight by more than half a stone, give or take, I went on my first diet at the age of eleven to fit in with my friends at school, whose packed lunches were made with Weight Watchers bread and who went to an aerobics class in the evenings to lose weight.

I found the world of diets and calorie counting to be grown up and glamorous. I made a scrapbook full of skinny models and diet tips from teen magazines, and bought exercise videos from charity shops. I don't remember losing any significant amounts of weight until my mid-teens, at which point I ended up visiting - and being talked down to by - a fairly unpleasant eating disorders specialist at the local mental health unit, (I found her so patronising that I never went back), but I spent most of my teenage years preoccupied wth weight, exercise and beauty.

This year, after the usual rounds of obsessive dieting and frantic gorging, I resolved that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way. I don't want to have my entire life revolving around the scales, and I don't want to spend my entire existence hating myself and my body.

The times I remembered being the happiest weren't when I had spent hours doing my make-up or when I reached an even lower weight but when I let myself go and had fun with my friends, got so wrapped up in having a good time that I forgot what I looked like and forgot that I was supposed to be perfect, supposed to be always striving for beauty and thinness.

I began to wonder if being 'pretty' was worth being hungry, being grouchy from hunger and low self-esteem, being unable to relax or indulge and listening constantly to my own judgemental inner critic, the little voice that, unless action is taken to stop it, runs a constant, carping commentary on one's own appearance and that of every passing person unfortunate enough to fall under its gaze.

Stumbling across body positivity on the internet and starting to learn about it helped me begin to try to embrace myself, every day, no matter what, and has marked the start of a new chapter for me. I have started to listen to my body instead of suppressing or ignoring hunger pangs. I don't beat myself up for not being 'strong' enough to work out for hours on an empty stomach. I have stopped categorising foods as 'good' or 'bad' and I don't forbid myself anything that I really want to eat.

In fact, now that I can see how miserable my attitude towards my body - encouraged, let's not forget, by multi-million pound beauty, diet and advertising industries - was making me and how much better I feel from day to day just by being kinder towards myself, I often wish I could give my wonderful, successful, clever, talented friends a shake when they chastise themselves for wanting dessert or tell me for the umpteenth time that they are too fat or ugly. It's become 'normal' to hate yourself, and I hate to see my amazing friends sucked into that.

I still have bad days - an off-the-cuff remark at the pub can still see me sobbing over Next Top Model and binge-eating stollen, and sometimes I am fragile because it was easier to bury negative feelings or discomfort under calorie-counting and meal-planning than it is to confront them - but on good days I have more energy, am more relaxed and more inclined to get out of the house and have a good time.

I have learned that I'm not perfect, but that's OK. One day at a time I am learning how to love myself and my body, and if I can, you can too. <3


(Inspiring websites: Stop Hating Your Body, Operation Beautiful. For help and support with eating disorders: b-eat.)