Thursday 29 November 2012

Life as a Recovering Goth

Hello there! As an introductory post this is somewhat unusual, I suppose, but I have a strong feeling that most of you reading this will know me from my older, Goth-oriented blog Stripy Tights and Dark Delights (or, as it was known once-upon-a-time, The Ultimate Goth Guide). It seems strange to be posting in a new place and introducing myself all over again, but as my interests have grown and changed it seemed unfair to dump new posts on top of followers who were looking for Goth-specific content alone.

Before I get started on regular(ish) blogstravaganzas, I thought I'd go straight for the nitty-gritty and talk about the changes that occured to make me reconsider my time as a Goth blogger.

Are you still a Goth?
Goth specifically? No. Dark culture is still something I hold dear, but the 'Goth' label began to feel a bit restricting, and I have branched out a little. I still consider myself very firmly 'alternative' and enjoy experimenting with varied subcultural fashions running the gamut from punk to Lolita. Although many areas of my life have a definite dark tinge, I don't generally call myself  a Goth.

Was it just a phase?
I'm inclined to say no - hopefully that's not just my vanity talking! By some (or many?) people's standards, of course, I never quite made it as a 'real Goff', but being a black-clad spookster for the last six years certainly made a big impact on who I am as a person and how I saw the world. Whilst I may no longer always feel the need to wander around beclad in a melancholic darkness (not that I was ever particularly melancholy - nor were most of the Goths with whom I became friends), making the choice to visually express the parts of myself that rose to the fore through dark culture was comforting, cathartic, enjoyable, challenging and fun.
Of course, those aspects of me that drew me to dark culture still remain and are still celebrated - I am an avid bookworm with a particular fondness for dark faerie tales, the paranormal, Gothic literature and, yes, vampires; I find cemeteries beautiful and peaceful; I adore dark fashion in all, if not many, of its manifestations; I have an enduring fondness for fantasy art, particularly with darker aspects... etc, etc, etc. None of these, of couse, are particularly 'Goth' traits, but many of those who associate themselves with dark culture, if not the Goth scene specifically, will know where I am coming from!

As long as the part of me that drew me to dark culture in the first instance remains, I will still thoroughly enjoy such cliche activities as hanging bats from my ceiling, stomping around in my New Rock boots, tearing up my fishnets and kicking back with a glass of absinthe. (Needless to say, my taste in music continues unchanged - although those guilty pleasures are no longer so guilty!) Which is why I don't personally look on my time as a devoted darkling as 'just a phase' - it was, and is, an enormous part of who I am, no matter how I do or do not dress.

What happened?
I started to feel disillusioned with the Goth scene around January this year, and that feeling grew until I was definitely sure that Goth was no longer a label I wanted to apply to myself, to the point of giving up blogging and taking time off from the internet to evaluate who I really was (cheesy, I know!), how I wanted to express myself, and essentially, whether the life I was living was the right one for me.

For me, the trouble with belonging to a specific subculture is that I felt I had to live up to other people's expectations of what a proper Goth should be if I wanted to 'earn' the label, which after a while felt limiting and uncomfortable. I learned that I prefer a more fluid, general descriptor like 'alternative', because there were things outside even the most vague boundaries of dark fashion drawing my attention, and I didn't want to just shut off the side of myself that wanted to (for example) wear florals and no make-up.

As I blogged back in March, "Long-time readers will know that crimping personal tastes to fit labels is certainly not what I'm about and never will be. I was reminded of those slightly awkward adolescent years when I tried to buy the 'right' clothes to impress the 'right' people, and something inside me rebelled against the idea of reliving a time when I didn't feel good enough to be accepted for who I was. The Goth label had begun to feel a bit redundant; I still loved most things about the fashion, music and culture but I no longer felt sure that the tag applied to me. I liked having the freedom to experiment with fashion, the quirkier the better, and experience different styles and genres of music without feeling like a fraud for calling myself a Goth."

I spent most of this year ricocheting between trying to reconcile my darker tastes with my newfound appreciation for other styles, and trying to shoehorn myself back into the Goth box (now there's an image!). For many people, Goth is more than a fleeting event in their lives - it works with most parts of their identity and fits them like a second skin. For me, sadly, it became only a smaller part of a larger whole.

What will you be blogging about now?
Oh, Goth stuff... ;-)

Well, yes, probably, some of that. Once dark culture has a hold on you, it never fully lets go! However, I don't intent to tout myself as a Gothy expert - simply what I am, an enthusiast and appreciator of that style and subculture.
I'm afraid there will also be some personal stuff; some over-excited and gleeful notes on styles that have captured my attention from week to week (teapunk! Apparently this is a thing!); crafting and DIY, as I'm getting more and more into it by the day; book reviews; and, well, you'll have to wait and see what else I've got up my sleeve!

I don't expect this blog to achieve the success that The Ultimate Goth Guide once did (more by luck than judgement), and I'd like to offer a huge thank you to everyone who came along for the ride and who gave their support. <3 If any of you do choose to stick around, that would be delightful, and I look forward to sharing my journey with all of you!

Many hugs and sparkly bats!
Amy xxx

39 comments:

  1. I commend you for taking the step of shrugging off the gothness and exploring other images. It's not healthy to restrict oneself.

    I know you said on the post on the other blog that you weren't going to do as many outfit posts, I hope you still do some so we can see how your style has evolved :)

    I don't know about anyone else but I'd love to see a tutorial on how you did your dreads, as I'm assuming you did do them yourself. I've been debating for a while whether to grow my hair out and get them done and I'd love to know what it involves, creating them, care etc.

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    1. Thanks Stefanie :-) I will do some outfit posts for you as soon as I get some decent photos!

      And honestly, I'm obsessed with my dreads so would be MORE than happy to do a dread tutorial... eheheh XDD I'm glad you're still following, sweetie! xxx

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  2. Oh thank God.

    I'll admit I was a bit worried at first but now, I can't help but feel ecstatic. It's like watching someone grow wings and take off, it really is.

    Yes, people, there is more to Amy Asphodel yet!

    I don't in any way intend to diminish anything that came before as a phase or heaven forbid a mistake- if anything, I'm glad for you and of you. It's just so amazing to see how much you're growing and widening your horizons.

    Never let it be said that you were, in spite of everything, one-dimensional. NEVER LET IT BE SAID.

    I'm so, so glad you've won against the stagnation and had the courage to branch out, break from the metaphorical display glass coffin, and find out who you are away from labels everyone expects of you. I'm glad you didn't succumb to fitting into such restricting labels. That would always be the greater tragedy if you did.

    Amy, we all love you, so fly if you must! Don't ever suffocate again!

    Our support and encouragement is with you all the way!

    Integrity, Amy darling, is important. When they say to be true to yourself, they never meant that self wasn't subject to change and modifications, it's always going to grow.

    This blog feels like a manifestation of your first step into something greater.

    I know, I know. Sorry to go all melo on you, but I'm just... really
    really
    happy for you.
    :)
    Wish you well with everything from here onwards.

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    1. VERY melo... but I like it :-) Thank you so much for this! <3

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  3. Glad to have you back, mate.

    Your blogs have always been a good read, so I'm following along here, too. ^^

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    1. Thank you! I'm very happy to see you over here ^^

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  4. I can definitely identify with you. I don't refer to myself as a Goth anymore because I feel like there's so much more to me than 'being gothic'. I have plenty other interests, and I'm even a Coldplay fan (and proud)! If other people refer to me as such, I don't correct them though...It's just easier for everyone else.

    I would like to see a tea punk outfit post by the way! ;)

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    1. I'm glad that you understand where I'm coming from! I agree entirely - labels can never cover the whole of a person. :-)

      I'll put it on my list of future posts ;-)

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  5. It's been a while I have seen you blogging, I wish you good luck when it comes to finding truly yourself.
    I also have felt I am making myself unhappy when restricting and care too much about labels and I'm not Goth
    either. To me it turns out to be a small interest than who I am truly are. I have called myself one for two years and months, it can be tiring and some of the clothing can be as well when I'm too wrapped up wearing some black and jewellery all the time. I'm mainly a undefined individual, but most of my interests are geeky in video games, films, music and clothing. Follow your heart, as some say. It's going to be a long hard road, but a tremendous result.

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    1. Thank you Daniel :-) I understand what you mean, it can be easy to get caught up in what you look like and how you want to be perceived rather than just expressing who you really are. Best of luck to you, too.

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  6. Miss Amy it is a delight to have you back and I plan on sticking around, hopefully not like a creeper, and learn from someone who is still learning themselves. :1) Cheers from Cali.

    -C.

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  7. I know exactly what you mean about Goth feeling restricting at times. There are a lot of self-appointed poseur-police about . It's why I've only ever taken it on as a casual label- I've found I'm much happier when I treat it like a random descriptor rather than a core part of my identity. :3

    Basically... labels are fine, provided you really do fit them perfectly.

    Anyways, Wilkommen back!

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    1. Thank you! It's good to be back ^^

      I understand you; I think I might have been less oversensitive and felt less restricted if I hadn't tried to make myself all about being as Goth as possible... I had a whole lot of fun at the time but, well, as you say, it's more comfortable as a casual label.

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  8. amy, i can totally identify with this. i'll still be reading your blog :) x

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  9. Hello Amy. I read this article and I understand what you mean here. Don't forget to be yourself. What's really important is you should do whatever makes you happy. And hey, I still read fairy tales and I also like Hello Kitty.

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    1. Words to live by! (Also a fan of fairy tales AND Hello Kitty ;-) great taste!)

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  10. Oh thank goodness you're back! I've missed reading your posts for so long, I found myself in the same 'gothy rut' a year back and have since branched out a little more than a bit!
    Your blogs are always fun to read!

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    1. Aw, thanks babe! It's kinda nice to know I'm not the only one who's come up against the same sort of feelings/limitations. :-)

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  11. The way I see it is that when Goth is a "phase" for some people, it's usually just another stepping stone to finding out who you truly are, and that it's important to take those steps or you may never grow into the best you. Congratulations!

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    1. Thanks! That's a great way of looking at it, I will remember this! <3

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  12. If anything, this new approach looks like it will be even more interesting/exciting :). (but don't do away with the outfit posts entirely, we're all very nosey, and you always look so funky and cute, gothed up or not!)

    Never feel bad for changing as a person, it means you aren't dead! Style, and even life outlook, are just as fluid as anything else about a person, and isn't that wondrous? I've just started to think of my fashion sense as a venn diagram, and it's strangely freeing. Suddenly today's outfit isn't half-assed lolita, it just falls into an overlapping section, haha.

    I would also be interested in a run-down of how you made those awesome dreads :). They've always fascinated me, even if I don't really want to rock them myself.

    OMG, teapunk?! That can't help but be amazing!

    Rock on, Lady, with whatever makes you happy *awkward digital stranger hugs*

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    1. Oh, thank you very much, you lovely lady! <3 I love the Venn diagram idea, I can definitely see myself using that theory! *awkward hugs back* (awkward hugs are often the best hugs ;-))

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  13. Same here. I think the goth/industrial scene is a great repository for any "outsider" who has a distaste for the mainstream. And the music and style is great. But it gets to the point that you feel confined with that label and start to feel guilty for liking other things. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I recently have drifted away from the "scene" and looked into other forms of music and aesthetics. I think that the current zeitgeist in this time period is more open and accepting of alternative sounds and styles. The alternative has become mainstream, so there isn't much to rebel against anymore [well, except that while pop culture is "packaged" better and more artsy, it's still shitty music!].

    I think a part of it is that goth/industrial has just stagnated and become formulaic to the point that people got bored of it and some are afraid to go outside their "box" of what they think fit into the genre.
    At one point industrial felt like an "extreme" futuristic/mechanical form of music. Now dubstep and other EDM genres like hardcore trumps it while some clubs are still playing early '00's era futurepop. [Although there are many great industrial artists out there that are experimenting with new sounds like Hecq for example]. I think Goth is even worse. There is nothing much to say about it nowadays. There's only so many times you can hear the same songs over and over again before you get bored.

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    1. I found I never really got bored of the music, but I wonder if that could be because a large proportion of the music I have always chosen to listen to has tended to flirt with Goth/industrial rather than specifically belonging to the scene - without being too restricted by genre I find there's a lot more range and scope for new and interesting things to be discovered.

      I agree entirely about feeling guilty for liking other things, although personally I can put my hands up and say that this for me was a silly, self-inflicted attitude - I'm sure most Goths wouldn't trouble themselves one way or the other over what I happen to listen to, much less get uppity and judgemental about it! I also agree that it is good to know I'm not the only one! Thank you. :-)

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  14. Good on you to have the courage to look inside yourself to see who you really are ... do you know how many people twice your age have never done that in their lives?

    I like your new blog name, by the way ... then again, I am a *bit* partial to bloomers :P

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    1. Thank you! Heh, sadly I do... I encounter them far too often >.<

      Who isn't? Bloomers for all! XDD

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  15. This is exactly what I have been searching for. I am more than pleased with your, I wouldn't necessarily say 'change' but more... Expansion, if you know what I mean. I can't particularly label myself because I have so many different interests and styles and beliefs, so to see your stepping outside of the box, in a way, is exciting for me. I loved The Ultimate Goth Guide, but now I can imagine from the post that this will have more of a variety of different things, and that is exactly what I have been looking for :)

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  16. I’m sure what you are feeling now is the start of the next part of your life. SO Welcome to your “responsible years” My advice is. Get married, have kids, get mortgage, encourage kids to leave home ASAP, pay of mortgage also ASAP, have mid-life crisis, re-find Goth! Been there, done all that, even wore a track suit.

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    1. Eeek! Really? Heh, I'm finding that a more practical, less flowy wardrobe allows me to be much less responsible! ;-) I have many things to do before I set about mortgages and babies... (wearing a tracksuit right now, but in my defence I just got back from a fitness class!)

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  17. Same here, Amy. I found the goth label to be extremely restricting so I sorta left it behind. I still listen to Bauhaus, but I realized that I was only listening to it to fit in. Now, I've always dressed like a gothling so I'm not abandoning my combats and black just yet. ;D
    Now I listen to mainly power and folk metal. Cheesy as it sounds, I love it. The way I dress hasn't changed much (now it just has many Norse and Germanic symbols- although I'm an Asatruer so I guess that doesn't count. xD)
    I've stopped considering myself goth, though. It took a year long phase (I admit it was a phase, heh) to realize that it just wasn't for me. Too many things to live up to, I guess. But hey, it's a lot better to enjoy what you really like than liking something for an excuse to dress a certain way.

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    1. I know how you feel! It's difficult when you like certain aspects of a subculture, but not quite enough to fit the mould. I'm glad you had the confidence to branch out and be yourself. Very best of luck to you! (P.S. I love folk metal!)

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  18. I think this will be a great blog, will you be deleting the other?

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    1. Thank you! No, certainly not yet, although I'm unlikely to be updating it for a while (if ever).

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  19. I wish I could say more but thank you for everything:')

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  20. I recently learned that labels means nothing for me us. I don't consider myself as a Goth anymore, although I still walk around the cemetery and I prefer nighttime over daylight. Remember that we are ordinary people and be ourselves.

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  21. I can certainly understand this, though I still consider myself goth. To me, labels are just that: labels, not boxes. I am just as much goth as I am punk, or metal, or hippie, or geek; some days more so, some days less so. Always remember that, wherever your life decides to take you, and whatever you decide to call yourself, you are, first and foremost, you.

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